She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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