I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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