Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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