Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
