She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
