So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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