Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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