You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
