I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
