I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
