there's paper in my vomit.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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