Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
