my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
