Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
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Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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