Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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