Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
