his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
