it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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