we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
