I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
