well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
