somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
