Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
