My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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