drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
