so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
