Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
