"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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