You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
