there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
