Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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