I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize