Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
