New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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