Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
