You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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