all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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