I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
