I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
