I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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