chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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