Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
