I wish I could punch you in the face.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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