whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
