we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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