Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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