she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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