Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize