i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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