WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
