i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
even my farts smell like vagina
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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