Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
