i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
