i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
