Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize