Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
