If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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