My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
