Little spoons don't ask big questions
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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