I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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