happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize