The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I touched a dick in church today
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
