Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
