he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
