I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
