remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
