bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
ttyl tear gas
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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